An important objective of the presented studies is the belief that language is a reflection of history and human experience, reveals the structure of man\u2019s individual, personal experience. The narrative built by the person is for me the portraying of the system, its subjective meanings, selected and arranged according to certain rule, the propriety of certain facts for the respondent. Combined in the personal narrative, the autobiographical memory and self-understanding allows deep reflection about own interaction with the spouse, relationships and marriage.<\/p>\n

Loneliness in relationship, according to narrative research presented in this work, often occurs at the interface of community space and own space. Often, that’s where a number of marital myths functions, of which putting into practice results in one party\u2019s experiencing loneliness in the relationship. All the narratives of the respondents were associated with great emotionality of expression and experience. Loneliness and solitude in marriage is something that stimulates reflection and discussion. Repeatedly surveyed respondents in their narratives undertook such actions. They often stressed out that the mere existence of loneliness in their life led to self-reflection on themselves and their behaviour. In the light of these considerations and experiences of the respondents the thesis was formulated that the loneliness is linked with human life. A man is not able to escape from it, or protect against it. They should rather try to accept it and make use of it. The research material, especially narrative, provided the basis for a lot of interesting analysis. Very interesting material concerned the myths of marriage. They proved to be a source of loneliness, frustration and disorder in conjugal relations. Such false beliefs that circulate as the „life wisdom” or common beliefs contribute to unrealistic expectations in relation to marriage and the spouse. They disrupt the real grasp of the situation and focus all energy on fairy-tale vision of marriage relationship.<\/p>\n

As I have already pointed out, marriage is for me of procedural\/staging nature. The same is with phenomena occurring in each of its stages. In each of the stages of married life, according to research, the spouses experience loneliness. Of course, at each stage it has other source and other characteristics. This is mostly linked to the history of married life and often becomes a resultant of actions taken in marriage and the roles taken by the spouses. In the light of these considerations, the thesis was formulated, which states that loneliness changes a man and their view on the current situation and their relationships. The marriage narrations show clearly that, although the experienced loneliness is associated with a heavy load of negative feelings, if the spouses are working on it, it changes its negative character and directs relationship into positive reinforcement. Processuality of the relationship makes possible to rework this experience and use it as intrusive element of marriage.<\/p>\n

The sources of the emergence of loneliness have big and significant effect on marital relations. In the narratives of the respondents there appeared a strong relationship between the causes of loneliness and the experienced negative feelings. The respondents experience helplessness, suffering, pain, distraction of feelings of longing. It is difficult experience for them, which they cannot measure and re-orient their reference to work on it. Sometimes, such work seems impossible because they do not accept people giving them support (therapists, spouses, family). This does not mean, however, that the couples are completely lost in their suffering associated with loneliness. In many narratives they clearly showed a desire to work or even sort out the problem. When this has already happened, they perceived loneliness as positive experience which strengthened their relationship. Therefore, it was important for the respondents to make a distinction and discernment between solitude and loneliness. This need was the next thesis of the work: solitude is different than loneliness.<\/p>\n

The analysis of the marriage narratives and reflection of the respondents associated with loneliness in the relationship showed its deep meaning. The presence of loneliness in their married life indicates the positive impact of this experience on the marital integration and closeness, provided, however, that the spouses re-work their negative feelings arising with this experience. Loneliness could have creative or destructive dimension. The first one should cherished and one should learn from it, while the latter should be eliminated or the help in overcoming it should be sought. The creative dimension of loneliness is achieved through becoming calmed down, reflection, meditation, often in solitary confinement. Today’s world, through its great dynamics triggers the noise, aggression, rush, so one should learn how to contemplate and reside in silence. However, the calming down of a man cannot mean sentencing them to non-tolerable solitude. The place to learn about how to fight against destructive loneliness may be family today, which is a system of interactions and interrelationships. On the one hand, this is because only in the family all biological phenomena (such as: birth, illness, death) become truly natural and on the other hand because only in the family it is possible to discern in time the escape into the destructive form of loneliness and overcome the time-related, personal or financial difficulties. In the family one can quickly learn how to repair the broken relationships. Loneliness changes a man because this condition affects most deeply the man\u2019s self. These changes can be positive and contribute to widely understood man\u2019s welfare (in the metaphysical sense).<\/p>\n

Loneliness in marriage can never be, in the context of my analysis, end in itself, because it is then always a bad thing as any suffering is an evil. The terms „loneliness” and „solitude” are often used interchangeably, without taking into consideration the fundamental difference between the semantic scopes of these concepts which represent qualitatively different human states. It is important to distinguish between these two phenomena. According to the study of the spouses\u2019 narrative, they themselves are not able to distinguish and name these experiences. Undoubtedly, the reason for this terminological confusion is the use of the term „loneliness” in the broad sense. Then, it actually encompasses the term „solitude”, which in this way means in addition to „solitude”, „isolation”, „separation” a particular aspect of the state of loneliness. Undoubtedly, the two concepts: „loneliness” and „solitude” indicate that something or someone is alone, without the company of other things or people. Certainly, each person experiencing solitude is alone, but not everyone who is alone \u2013 is experiencing solitude. „Loneliness” should therefore be connected with solitude, disconnection, separation, temporary detachment, isolation whereas „solitude” involves going away, abandonment, leaving someone alone, bereavement, detachment, alienation, isolation. Loneliness can become a solitude when a man breaks off from the world, from people, loses contact with them, thus leaving others and condemning themselves to be abandoned by others. On the basis of these considerations and based on the analysis of respondents’ narratives, the thesis was formulated: proper diagnosis of loneliness prevents solitude. The ability to correctly distinguish these phenomena really would help spouses in their relationships. Especially, when one of them experiences the felling of solitude, the other one could then provide faster and better help. A quick action in this case is important because the earlier diagnosed feeling of solitude, especially associated with depression, the better results could be achieved in therapeutic work.<\/p>\n

One of the consequences of feeling loneliness and re-working one\u2019s feelings and experiences associated with it, turned out to be the closeness of marriage. The feeling of being close is not the feeling of falling in love, which is so highly valued by the spouses. It involves the staging element of marriage (which was mentioned earlier). Falling in love suddenly triggers our desire for an ideal relationship, which we have always lacked – and then we place all our longings in a man, which we have not got to know yet. After the period of elation, the time of smaller of bigger disappointments comes. If at this point the respondents were capable of a more sober look at their partner and to give up their unrealistic dreams, this falling in love was becoming a prelude to intimacy. In another case, it was the cause of loneliness and perhaps even solitude. Closeness is also not considered as not meeting the requirements of the life partner, is not a transaction in which we give up a piece of ourselves in exchange for the illusions of adaptation and acceptance. The true closeness is also not the constant soliciting for the feelings of our partner or continuous proving of our feelings for our life partner. Love built on true intimacy is a feeling that ceases to be selfish and destructive. When exiting and crossing the loneliness, one has to be sure to distinguish love from intimacy and seek primarily the latter because the former may be symptomatic of a fatal, possessive, blind and destructive feeling. That is what happened in some relationships, as confirmed by many experiences of the respondents. Based on the experiences of the respondents two important thesis in my work were formulated: 1. Loneliness as a phenomenon, is needed and necessary in conjugal relationships and ensures the living space of the spouses; 2. Loneliness leads to intimacy. Often, the respondents confuse intimacy as the combination into one of: feeling and thinking the same at the same time. Intimacy is not a community of thoughts and feelings. Such community is only illusion, caused by longing for the ideal. Intimacy is, however, mutual openness, mutual acceptance and mutual trust. It is not so much satisfaction from what our partner is, but from that that our partner stands by us and does not pretend to be someone else. It is also the knowledge that we remain separate and independent persons that create a growing area of \u200b\u200bcommon experience and feeling. Deep relationship based on intimacy gives the partners, according to the research, the chance to recall what has been deeply hidden. Both woman and man should learn certain things to make their relationship cohesive. Through openness and spontaneity, which is possible thanks to mutual acceptance, they recognize very useful features of the opposite sex – first they discover them in their partner and then they begin to discover them in themselves. True intimacy in addition to giving warmth, safety and sexual fulfilment, extremely strongly stimulates both spouses to personal development.<\/p>\n

Such mature relationship is formed by two persons with equal status, each of which brings huge potential. Self-realization of one of the partners entails the fulfilment of the other, which makes the shared life more interesting.<\/p>\n

The knowledge of loneliness is necessary to establish close relationship, as demonstrated by the undertaken research. Loneliness means that one likes themselves and being alone gives pleasure. Developing and experiencing loneliness combined with developing and experiencing true intimacy is truly effective recipe for the ultimate destruction of loneliness and the consequences of this state. Loneliness is a real closeness with oneself, with one’s \u201cself\u201d and with one\u2019s spouse. The latter is essential for the shaping and developing of the relationships in marriage.<\/p>\n

This work is the result of many analyses of solitude and loneliness in marriage, similar as in the works of A. Kotlarska-Michalska, L. Dyczewski, J. Rostowski, J. Szczepa\u0144ski. However, the authors mentioned herein focused mainly in their research on loneliness „evil” – solitude, analysing negative and destructive consequences of its impact on marital relationships. The difference of the work submitted for evaluation, inter alia, lies in the presentation of conjugal relations also from the point of impact of \u201cgood\u201d loneliness on such relations. Suh angle of perception of loneliness was broadly depicted in my work. However, there are many other issues that should be further analysed as the next step of research.\u00a0 Therefore, further interesting questions arise. Will similar results be obtained if the respondents\u2019 group has been extended to all male-female relationships defined today as marriage: co-habitation, life partner relationships? Will intimacy in the context of loneliness be confirmed by means of a tool analysing closeness in marriage? The research study described here focuses on loneliness. It might be worthwhile extending it and including the aspect of solitude and clinical aspect (depression) marginally treated in this paper. It would also be interesting to extend the discussion by elaborating on family relationships. The feeling of loneliness provokes many interesting questions and it is difficult to answer them all in one work, but thanks to it the topic is always up-to-date and interesting. The presented study does not fully reflect the complexity of the problem under discussion, it only brings closer the problems of dynamics of changes in the area of solitude, loneliness and marital dyad development.<\/p>\n